Self-Defense

   Sometimes I attack people, not just because I moonlight as Ninja but because I feel like I’m being attacked. Many people go through the same thing; someone says something that may or may not be meant to offend and BLAM verbal Ninja star to the face. How can we as an ever developing society avoid this scenario? Truth be told you can’t but there are ways to Handle it better; consider this my gift to you (insert wink and smile).  

   Being a stand-up comedian I unfortunately come into contact with extremely aggravating people, be it other comedians who think you’re awful at your job and have no trouble telling you, or racist executives you tell you things like “We don’t know if we want to use you but the good news is we need a Latin” either way you have to learn to deal with people who deserve to be drop kicked in the face Anderson Silva style. This is going to sound cliché and dumb but that whole count to ten thing actually is the trick to dealing with this people, you’re first instinct may be to attack but if you give some time for your brain to process what might happen if react harshly you might just find a better solution then said drop kick. Take the time, it’s just 10 seconds; to stop yourself and think, “ok that was messed up what he/she just said and I’m upset, I want to cause this person physical and/or emotional pain but wait, that could result in a lawsuit or I could lose my job. It’s not worth it” Now don’t get me wrong there are times when people deserve due punishment and by all means use the drop kick method if you are ever physically assaulted or put in any danger, However if you are dealing with the office moron or someone who in some way might be envious of you and therefore trying to bring you down there are smarter ways to deal with them here are a few semi-douche bag insults you can through at someone that could help in defending yourself without really insulting a person too much:

• "I’m sure if you apply yourself you can eventually get it done”
• “It might just happen to you one day, if you’re lucky”
• “I realize not everyone works as fast as I do so I understand”
• “It’s ok if you can’t handle it”
• “maybe it’s just not your thing”
• “think about it, I’ll wait”
• “That’s ok I appreciate you telling me, I mean you should hear the things they say about you”

   Well I think I’ve filled your arsenals enough for today, now that you’re fully loaded careful where you aim, you don’t want to end up being one of the people who deserves a drop kick, you want to defend against them. Take heed to my words my fellow Ninja’s live long and prosper and all that Jazz.